Saturday, April 12, 2014

A short life full of passion is better than a long cold life

Life is no bed of roses , that I knew.. However what I didn't expect was that one day even ground beneath the bed would disappear. Like we all do, I also strived hard to make a great future for myself for which I could sit back one day and give myself a pat on the back. The only real struggle I had seen in my early days of school and college was in getting myself a decent education from reputed institutes which would then guarantee a good career and financial stability ahead. I achieved all that for myself and although academically i did well, my emotional side was in unrest. There was a vacuum in my life which needed to be filled and I wanted to feel deep love from a soulmate. Although my life was going perfect in all respects however true love always eluded me.
But then it happened and it was just like how true love was described. I was drawn to my soulmate for reasons I could not put my finger on.. I had stars in my eyes when I saw heart skipped a beat when I heard his voice... my days were incomplete without being near him. It was perfect.. our relationship blossomed because of great understanding and a
Lot of passion. Each day seemed magical and we were looking at making a wonderful future for ourselves.
But then as destiny had planned, I lost everything in a split second. All my dreams, future plans, everything was disrupted and I saw my life falling apart in front of me. My husband died within 4 months of us getting married.  I was 34 years of age.
As shock gripped me and I went through my grief reaction.. I realised that I was lucky to have felt the purest form of love even though it was for a short time span. I felt lucky..but the future always depressed me. I wished for death so fervently cause I did not see any point in living my life and achieving anything without sharing it with my love.
After 2 full months of mourning and feeling self pity I realised that I had to make a choice. Either to pull myself up and put my life together or to ruin myself. I reasoned to myself that I could ruin myself any day but before I do that why not experience life a bit more. Let the magic of life lead me a bit.
My first step was towards this change was to somehow learn something new each day. Each morning was difficult.. thoughts of the past haunted me however I laboriously got up and started doing small little things which I had never done before in order to experience life a bit more. I bought books that I had never read, cooked dishes I had never cooked before, walked to places I had never seen. These were little steps but they helped.
I also realised that it was good to open up as much as possible to people..share your grief and water it down. I got in touch with
my friends, made new friends and gradually things Began to settle down.
This tought test which life put me through has made me realise that nothing is more important than human relationships.. I value them much more today. Also it is best to make each day fruitful rather than wallowing in self pity.

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